Jumbling

Although I have been labeled a psychopath, the more I learn about how people define the term and how we are represented, the less connection I feel with the word. I did not like how we were either deemed heartless killers or manipulative social chameleons. We are all human. Do we not all manipulate the strings of life to puppet the world to our will and how we would have it?

I find the “imitations” to be sub-conscious manifestations of the socially deemed “unacceptable” facets of personality that all humans share. I know I am different, but you are not all the same either.

What if I just was not taught the ability to empathize and rather was taught to value logic more? Not to say that I am not capable of emotion. I love. I hate. I smile. I cry.

There are so many ways to label me a psychopath. There are also so many ways to call me “normal”.

do not choose a side, because you are the culmination of the two.

They make life… boring.

A Sociopath’s Calm

I recently began a train of introspection to help better understand who I am. I noticed another sociopathic idiosyncrasy. I believe from this stems all misconceptions of the psychopath’s lack of emotion. As one can easily see, I am talking about how calm we normally are, especially in emotionally devastating events. The imagery painted by society of the individual standing still amidst the crowd running for its life as rubble falls and crashes onto the people. The o’too-cliche scene of the man witnessing the death of many people and not showing any change in facial expression. Our calm has been highly misconstrued and has deceived the world of our true nature.

Our calm is not eternal or forever. Nor does our calm symbolize the eye at the center of a hurricane, and foreshadow the manifestation of our intense hate, malice, or any other destructive emotion. We do not hide ourselves, their is no true psychopath hidden behind a mask of lies. Our calm is just our choice. We choose to not be emotionally attached because we find it wasteful to be attached to whatever event is at hand. We reserve our daily intellectual capacities so that we may sparingly divulge our energies into what we find truly worthwhile and interesting. We are not patiently  storing our hate withing ourselves and walk around like a ticking time bomb. We are rather like automated password locked computers that only allow access to certain keywords or phrases.

We are unapologetic-ally meticulously emotionally selective.

Sadness and Sorrow

I found pride within the dry desserts of my emotional plane. The seemingly endless vacuum of a soul I had comforted me because of the obvious difference there was between me and them. However, this attribute becomes suddenly typologized, stereotyped, and generalized. We are of an emotionally selective group. Never will you see us cry over the death of an individual society tells us to weep over. Restrictions and obligations such as family will not stir our hearts. No…

Our hearts are our own. We are individuals of individuals. We segregate ourselves through our own constructs. Those whom we encounter are segregated within our worlds as well. we experience empathy, but it is different to the non-sociopaths. I look at your definition of empathy and feel as though my deviation is the same. I feel as you feel; I just happen to feel more. We surpass our appetites and use our love to manifest our ideals, and mine happen to revolve around the poetic potential of the moment.

We are not incapable. We are just scrutinizingly objective/selective.

The Brevity of Memory

How often is it we lose ourselves in our own misery? How often do we mistake our priorities and relinquish our progress. We sloth and we dull our the blades of our minds through mindless wonder. How oft we forget the value of the treasure we hold, only to remember when it has already vanished within time.

We fall back. From our stumbling we must rise up and remember our failures.

Gender Identification

One of our societies greatest overlooks is the way we identify as a gender, and the importance or gravity we lay upon it. You see, there is a gender dogma when it comes to our daily vernacular. How often do we see children segregate their language and activities by gender? You can see this in the daily lives of adults as well. The societal push to act like a boy/man or girl/woman. Why do we do this? There is no need. What if we were to eliminate the physical awareness of gender distinction. Now of course there has to be the awareness of sexual reproduction and sexual organs that distinguish individuals from another, but the weight, I advise, should be somewhat lessened.

In my youth there were many instances where I had to prove myself as a boy or man by doing many physically exploitative things. Fighting, working out, and talking back all proved that I was a man. Now how silly does that sound? To prove your gender is a preposterous idea when one looks at it in retrospect and logically. If we were to however focus on our minds instead of the trivial aspect of what hangs or does not hang inside one’s trousers than as a society, I believe that we would advance at a much more rapid rate. How much more wonderful would it be if our children worried about the contents of their minds rather than the contents of their pants. You see gender is not the social construct, the importance is.

Today we see the distinctions in gender even in our battles to prove their equality. The truth of the matter is that genders are not equal. They are entirely different. The each have their own benefits and weaknesses. So one cannot draw a straight line down society and expect equal outcomes from both genders. Our anatomies are too different.  However, our intellect is most likely all that we have where potential is identical. Now a connection can be made.

The difference between gender anatomy is focused on, so as individuals we divide ourselves further with our gender. At an early age we are exposed and forced to acknowledge the difference between genders. Imagine how the world would be if we focused on the similarities of our brains? Our intellect? Our curiosity. . .
The distinction between genders might very well disappear completely. Sexual preference would be a thing of the past. Homosexuals and heterosexuals would dissipate into history. Everyone would be bi-sexual and bigotry over sexuality would hence disappear. And if a sexual preference were to rise up, no commotion or riot would ever suppress it, for gender distinction would no longer be something to worry about.

Profile: White Beard

He is a proud man. He comes from a background of relative wealth and success. He enjoyed, on numerous occasions, reasons to believe himself to be superior to the common man. In his youth he was a great athlete. In his career, he held positions of superiority over all men in his company. Today he holds a position of similar strength.

In his youth, he was never committed to things. This is due to his father and the abhorrent relationship they shared during his youth and he would eventually find great admiration and make amends with him. He has pride in what could have been. He was athletically superior, w/o a doubt, but never did he refine his skills for an extended amount of time.

He also enjoyed the darker faculties of life. He would take to medically supplemented experiences and horizontal enjoyment throughout the years of his young adulthood. He was very much a person of appetite. Ignoble in his younger days and he would later repair the errs of his youth later on in his life.

He also suffered in ways that are common when it comes to aging. He lost his wife. His family battles with illness, and he himself fought cancer and other illnesses. After his one-year seclusion in mourning over his wife, he would take a 5 year sojourn in medically supplemented experiences and horizontal enjoyment.

Now from all of this, what can one induce?

He is a man of appetite. If he wants something, he will go get it. He has a very bellicose, focused, anxious, and reserved outlook on life. Like all individuals, he also suffers from a slate of cognitive dissonance (those who are unaware of what that is, I would recommend Kant’s or Nietzsche’s  essays on the subject).

His anxiety and focus are all internalized. On the outside he is like a regal lion. Like the lion whose tranquil focus is backed by the devastating force in his jaw and feet, Ron never shows all his cards. He is calculative in his speech and words. This does not mean he is silent when he does not know. No, he is more likely to thwart and redirect conversation into areas of which he is more comfortable, like the mongol who will retreat onto steppe lands for his horses during combat.

He does not admit defeat. For the whole of his childhood, he was raised to excel. His weakness is his inability to admit defeat. He is extremely competitive by nature so here his ambition can be found. All around he is a strong individual in character, but this is his main fault. He is self-righteous. He is prideful in his past endeavors and the pains he has gone through. He determines himself better for going through hardships and being different from people. Which is not really special to him only. This is common in all peoples. They believe themselves special by their own experiences because their experiences are all that they have to devise upon.

more will come

Live Like Gas

I believe that in all lives we can find a reoccurring theme. There will be some idea or conflict that will remain eternal throughout our lives. Mine is the tangibility of the mind. In many ways I am like a guinea pig used for my own experiments. Most of them have been thought experiments but they all stem out into the physical world so there really is no distinction to be made.

Now imagine the mind to be water. There are three states when it comes to water: solid, liquid, and gas. Colder climates will have ice and the warmer it gets the more abundant the other states of water there will be. Now imagine the environments of which the state of water exists to be the environments of which we reside. There are individuals out there who are less flexible with their thoughts, ideas, and imagination because their climate remains stagnate and inhibits progress and thus freezes the culmination of cognitive growth. These “freezing” climates would be like the minds of the illiterate, poor, and government bound.

Now enter the stage of where liberation or growth begins to culminate. Ideas of morality and equality emerge. This warmer climate would be well paired with religious households but in America. There is still a wide range of limiting ideas that could apply to whatever religion you are forced into but there is a wide range of liberating ideas, philosophies, and teachers that one could supplement themselves with. The more intellectual freedoms that are offered the warmer their intellectual environment becomes and the more freely they will be able to roam within the ethers of their minds.

Finally comes the last stage of the cognitive water, gas. This is when there are no faculties of intellectual confinement and one is free to roam and conceive new thoughts and ideas. One could imagine such a climate to be the equivalent to the laboratories of NASA or some other organization created for the purpose of experimentation, learning, and advancing. At such a stage no line of inquiry is prohibited or inclined. There are no preset notions of right and wrong, just discovery.

Now like all water vapors, oceans, and glaciers we do not remain in one state forever. If one is born in a particularly cold climate one does not have to stay there. However, just like how ice can eventually become gas, the gas can also become ice. As we advance through life we will not have any more control over the inputs of life today than we will tomorrow. To remain an intellectual one must stimulate one’s self with new ideas or else the mind will become cold and stop growing.