Love. Many will find my views to be unorthodox. Love to me is not necessary. Much of this view has come from my upbringing but it is true to how I think. Love to me is not a necessary component to any relationship. I do not even love my own family. I do not need to love someone because they are my mother, father, or family member. Of course I will tell my family that I love them but truly that is not the case. I think that it is idiotic that blood should predispose you to love a person, I believe that is a social construct that society has adhered itself to and used to form synthetic love or means to love. I believe this type of love is a fallacy. Now this view is founded upon a distorted view of love which deviates from my psychopathology.
Psychopathology is regarded to be something that is both genetic and nurturable. My psychopathology was formed through my environment. (It is ironic how seemingly synthetic and purposeful my, what some would call dissent into, psychopathology was.) It was created, most simply, by forceful means of psychological torture and experimentation. I can see why people would think I am unable to love because of the things I went through or, if they were to somehow find out, how I think, but I do believe that I can love. However strange that sounds one must know that, for the longest of times, love was something I could not understand or even begin to comprehend.
Love has been the bane of my existence for the longest time. Much of my later life was comprised of experiments and philosophical escapades in order to define the ridges of love and find a place for me to reside. I find that love is so complicated that I have given up many times to try to understand or master it.
Now for the type of love that deals with marriage, partnership, and sex, I am sure that I previously stated in my article about sex that limiting one’s self to a single sex is idiotic when it comes to finding partners to relate with. If you were looking for your “soul mate” you should not limit yourself to one sex because of the mere detail of what hangs or does not hang inside their pants. I would advise the reader to expand their possibilities and allow all people candidacy in their lives or pursuits. Now some might consider me to have asexual tendencies or to be an asexual altogether because of how trivial sex is to me. Sex to me is just pleasure. A simple act of coitus should not dictate the direction or depth of a relationship. I understand that today it is regarded to be a highly intimate detail to a relationship, but I would disagree with that. I think sex should be regarded as a simple activity of pleasure and should be exploited instead of being hidden under the covers of “intimacy” or “love”. Now that does not mean to have wild sex. One should only have sex when one is ready. Simple as that. If you are not ready for sex then do not have it.
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I would love to say that the physical appearance bears no importance to me but that would be a lie. It is not as important to me as it use to be but it still bears interest. I am greatly infatuated with beauty and what is beautiful. I am a very poetic person and so I am on the constant search for beauty. So, as consequence, physical beauty interests me but there is something that is far more valuable to me. It is the internal beauty that resounds in the individual. If I were to search for love again then it would be a search through the internal worlds of the individuals I encounter. Nothing interests me more than the mind. I find stupidity to be repulsive so I do not find the beautiful but idiotic to be candidates in my world.
I would define my love to be more obsessive than anything else, but I think it is like that for everyone else. I just obsess through different means and because it is different people will look down upon my actions while they themselves share the same intent and emotion but direct their energies through more socially acceptable mediums.
Like all emotions that I deal with I dissect them down and find the upsides and downsides to every single emotion I encounter, whether it be love, anger, hate, joy, melancholy, etc…
Love has the upsides of bringing overwhelming happiness but also sadness. It is a tool for extremities. It is necessary to receive a shade of love every now and then but I would argue it is not necessary to reciprocate(This “shade” is the normal human contact that one receives whether it be on a daily or a weekly basis). Now every encounter does not have to be an intense expression or confession of love, it can be as simple as a greeting from a stranger or even a platonic conversation. I thrive not on the expressions of love but rather the deep intellectual conversations between the people I encounter.
Through all the encounters of my life, I have only ever loved one person.