I recently began a train of introspection to help better understand who I am. I noticed another sociopathic idiosyncrasy. I believe from this stems all misconceptions of the psychopath’s lack of emotion. As one can easily see, I am talking about how calm we normally are, especially in emotionally devastating events. The imagery painted by society of the individual standing still amidst the crowd running for its life as rubble falls and crashes onto the people. The o’too-cliche scene of the man witnessing the death of many people and not showing any change in facial expression. Our calm has been highly misconstrued and has deceived the world of our true nature.
Our calm is not eternal or forever. Nor does our calm symbolize the eye at the center of a hurricane, and foreshadow the manifestation of our intense hate, malice, or any other destructive emotion. We do not hide ourselves, their is no true psychopath hidden behind a mask of lies. Our calm is just our choice. We choose to not be emotionally attached because we find it wasteful to be attached to whatever event is at hand. We reserve our daily intellectual capacities so that we may sparingly divulge our energies into what we find truly worthwhile and interesting. We are not patiently storing our hate withing ourselves and walk around like a ticking time bomb. We are rather like automated password locked computers that only allow access to certain keywords or phrases.
We are unapologetic-ally meticulously emotionally selective.
I found pride within the dry desserts of my emotional plane. The seemingly endless vacuum of a soul I had comforted me because of the obvious difference there was between me and them. However, this attribute becomes suddenly typologized, stereotyped, and generalized. We are of an emotionally selective group. Never will you see us cry over the death of an individual society tells us to weep over. Restrictions and obligations such as family will not stir our hearts. No…
Our hearts are our own. We are individuals of individuals. We segregate ourselves through our own constructs. Those whom we encounter are segregated within our worlds as well. we experience empathy, but it is different to the non-sociopaths. I look at your definition of empathy and feel as though my deviation is the same. I feel as you feel; I just happen to feel more. We surpass our appetites and use our love to manifest our ideals, and mine happen to revolve around the poetic potential of the moment.
We are not incapable. We are just scrutinizingly objective/selective.
I believe that in all lives we can find a reoccurring theme. There will be some idea or conflict that will remain eternal throughout our lives. Mine is the tangibility of the mind. In many ways I am like a guinea pig used for my own experiments. Most of them have been thought experiments but they all stem out into the physical world so there really is no distinction to be made.
Now imagine the mind to be water. There are three states when it comes to water: solid, liquid, and gas. Colder climates will have ice and the warmer it gets the more abundant the other states of water there will be. Now imagine the environments of which the state of water exists to be the environments of which we reside. There are individuals out there who are less flexible with their thoughts, ideas, and imagination because their climate remains stagnate and inhibits progress and thus freezes the culmination of cognitive growth. These “freezing” climates would be like the minds of the illiterate, poor, and government bound.
Now enter the stage of where liberation or growth begins to culminate. Ideas of morality and equality emerge. This warmer climate would be well paired with religious households but in America. There is still a wide range of limiting ideas that could apply to whatever religion you are forced into but there is a wide range of liberating ideas, philosophies, and teachers that one could supplement themselves with. The more intellectual freedoms that are offered the warmer their intellectual environment becomes and the more freely they will be able to roam within the ethers of their minds.
Finally comes the last stage of the cognitive water, gas. This is when there are no faculties of intellectual confinement and one is free to roam and conceive new thoughts and ideas. One could imagine such a climate to be the equivalent to the laboratories of NASA or some other organization created for the purpose of experimentation, learning, and advancing. At such a stage no line of inquiry is prohibited or inclined. There are no preset notions of right and wrong, just discovery.
Now like all water vapors, oceans, and glaciers we do not remain in one state forever. If one is born in a particularly cold climate one does not have to stay there. However, just like how ice can eventually become gas, the gas can also become ice. As we advance through life we will not have any more control over the inputs of life today than we will tomorrow. To remain an intellectual one must stimulate one’s self with new ideas or else the mind will become cold and stop growing.
All want to be loved. All have an inherent desire to be liked, desired, and loved. All social actions stem from these base needs.
From this comes the projection of self. We mold our personalities to resemble the people who we deem to be the most attractive and respectable. As individuals we care too much about what other people think and this limits our actions from being true; we care about being loved more than we care about being truthful.
Whenever we compromise our appetite to be loved over being who we actually are, we are projecting. We project falsehood and hide our faces from the world because we fear that we will be unloved. The need to be admired becomes a driving factor in our lives.
*This is a profile of a person I know. I have dissected what I can from his actions and the people that surround them. Although this is a discourse founded upon personal inquiry. Nothing was founded by external inquiry.
The Whacking Cat
HE is open minded and open to new experiences. He is described to be kind but also intimidating to some. He prides himself in his accomplishments and finds joy in discovering new things. He has a thirst to “live life” to its fullest.
Now lets dig deeper and find his weak points.
I find it very revealing to focus on the relationships the individual has with their mother and any other significant female relationship they have had during childhood.
He showers them with gifts and memento to remind his mother and sisters of how much he adores them. This reveals a desire or necessity for emotional security. Needing to constantly remind his females that he loves them and cares for them. A self-conscious complex is revealed. This translate also to him caring about what others think of him. Which also points to the idea that behind his thirst to live life is to show that he is indeed living life. “Proving” to others that he is not wasting it.
Now onto other revealing factors.
He is at the mercy of his emotional state. He cannot handle his emotions, he has no defense mechanism besides riding his emotions out. His state of being sways at the mercy of the people around him and his environment. An emotional intelligence weakness. He finds comfort in a God for all the turmoil that he goes through is validated and if he believes that they are with purpose he is thus comforted. A little pathetic
He has no control over anger, depression, or happiness. Whatever emotional state he is in, all his efforts to change will be useless for he has no knowledge of how to effectively manipulate or mediate his own emotions. He lacks in that area of maturity.
This makes him highly self-conscious and so he has the need to show that he is indeed mature and doing better than other people. So he has defined what a “mature” individual lives, looks, and thinks like and follows these guidelines to the best of his ability. He figures he is doing well for his “mature” construct has deceived him into thinking that he making progress in maturing.
I would go on but this is starting to get redundant.
The psychopath is such a specific term for a nebulous group of people. If I had the power to change the term to be more specific towards what I am then I would. Sadly I cannot and it is a title that will stick onto me forever. I understand why people misunderstand the capabilities of people like me when it comes emotional maturity and intelligence. To be honest I do not even know my own capabilities. But I do not think this attribute should be surprising towards anyone. I believe that most of the world do not know their capabilities or even search to define them. Much of the conflict in the world comes from the failure to find and understand context. The context that is hidden not only behind me but cramped behind all of us. I am a psychopath but I am also merely human. It pains me to say this I admit but I am human. I need air. I need water. I poo and I pee. I love and I hate.
People are fascinated by the term and create their own psychopathic criteria. That if they do not meet terms a,b, and c, then they are clearly not a psychopath.
People have said that I am not a psychopath because I do not meet their expectations. They expect a psychopath’s blog to contain such and such.
Now let’s take a step back. I have asked a friend of mine to write what you have just read for me in their own words. A true reiteration.
Love. Many will find my views to be unorthodox. Love to me is not necessary. Much of this view has come from my upbringing but it is true to how I think. Love to me is not a necessary component to any relationship. I do not even love my own family. I do not need to love someone because they are my mother, father, or family member. Of course I will tell my family that I love them but truly that is not the case. I think that it is idiotic that blood should predispose you to love a person, I believe that is a social construct that society has adhered itself to and used to form synthetic love or means to love. I believe this type of love is a fallacy. Now this view is founded upon a distorted view of love which deviates from my psychopathology.
Psychopathology is regarded to be something that is both genetic and nurturable. My psychopathology was formed through my environment. (It is ironic how seemingly synthetic and purposeful my, what some would call dissent into, psychopathology was.) It was created, most simply, by forceful means of psychological torture and experimentation. I can see why people would think I am unable to love because of the things I went through or, if they were to somehow find out, how I think, but I do believe that I can love. However strange that sounds one must know that, for the longest of times, love was something I could not understand or even begin to comprehend.
Love has been the bane of my existence for the longest time. Much of my later life was comprised of experiments and philosophical escapades in order to define the ridges of love and find a place for me to reside. I find that love is so complicated that I have given up many times to try to understand or master it.
Now for the type of love that deals with marriage, partnership, and sex, I am sure that I previously stated in my article about sex that limiting one’s self to a single sex is idiotic when it comes to finding partners to relate with. If you were looking for your “soul mate” you should not limit yourself to one sex because of the mere detail of what hangs or does not hang inside their pants. I would advise the reader to expand their possibilities and allow all people candidacy in their lives or pursuits. Now some might consider me to have asexual tendencies or to be an asexual altogether because of how trivial sex is to me. Sex to me is just pleasure. A simple act of coitus should not dictate the direction or depth of a relationship. I understand that today it is regarded to be a highly intimate detail to a relationship, but I would disagree with that. I think sex should be regarded as a simple activity of pleasure and should be exploited instead of being hidden under the covers of “intimacy” or “love”. Now that does not mean to have wild sex. One should only have sex when one is ready. Simple as that. If you are not ready for sex then do not have it.
Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I would love to say that the physical appearance bears no importance to me but that would be a lie. It is not as important to me as it use to be but it still bears interest. I am greatly infatuated with beauty and what is beautiful. I am a very poetic person and so I am on the constant search for beauty. So, as consequence, physical beauty interests me but there is something that is far more valuable to me. It is the internal beauty that resounds in the individual. If I were to search for love again then it would be a search through the internal worlds of the individuals I encounter. Nothing interests me more than the mind. I find stupidity to be repulsive so I do not find the beautiful but idiotic to be candidates in my world.
I would define my love to be more obsessive than anything else, but I think it is like that for everyone else. I just obsess through different means and because it is different people will look down upon my actions while they themselves share the same intent and emotion but direct their energies through more socially acceptable mediums.
Like all emotions that I deal with I dissect them down and find the upsides and downsides to every single emotion I encounter, whether it be love, anger, hate, joy, melancholy, etc…
Love has the upsides of bringing overwhelming happiness but also sadness. It is a tool for extremities. It is necessary to receive a shade of love every now and then but I would argue it is not necessary to reciprocate(This “shade” is the normal human contact that one receives whether it be on a daily or a weekly basis). Now every encounter does not have to be an intense expression or confession of love, it can be as simple as a greeting from a stranger or even a platonic conversation. I thrive not on the expressions of love but rather the deep intellectual conversations between the people I encounter.
Through all the encounters of my life, I have only ever loved one person.