I recently began a train of introspection to help better understand who I am. I noticed another sociopathic idiosyncrasy. I believe from this stems all misconceptions of the psychopath’s lack of emotion. As one can easily see, I am talking about how calm we normally are, especially in emotionally devastating events. The imagery painted by society of the individual standing still amidst the crowd running for its life as rubble falls and crashes onto the people. The o’too-cliche scene of the man witnessing the death of many people and not showing any change in facial expression. Our calm has been highly misconstrued and has deceived the world of our true nature.
Our calm is not eternal or forever. Nor does our calm symbolize the eye at the center of a hurricane, and foreshadow the manifestation of our intense hate, malice, or any other destructive emotion. We do not hide ourselves, their is no true psychopath hidden behind a mask of lies. Our calm is just our choice. We choose to not be emotionally attached because we find it wasteful to be attached to whatever event is at hand. We reserve our daily intellectual capacities so that we may sparingly divulge our energies into what we find truly worthwhile and interesting. We are not patiently storing our hate withing ourselves and walk around like a ticking time bomb. We are rather like automated password locked computers that only allow access to certain keywords or phrases.
We are unapologetic-ally meticulously emotionally selective.
I found pride within the dry desserts of my emotional plane. The seemingly endless vacuum of a soul I had comforted me because of the obvious difference there was between me and them. However, this attribute becomes suddenly typologized, stereotyped, and generalized. We are of an emotionally selective group. Never will you see us cry over the death of an individual society tells us to weep over. Restrictions and obligations such as family will not stir our hearts. No…
Our hearts are our own. We are individuals of individuals. We segregate ourselves through our own constructs. Those whom we encounter are segregated within our worlds as well. we experience empathy, but it is different to the non-sociopaths. I look at your definition of empathy and feel as though my deviation is the same. I feel as you feel; I just happen to feel more. We surpass our appetites and use our love to manifest our ideals, and mine happen to revolve around the poetic potential of the moment.
We are not incapable. We are just scrutinizingly objective/selective.
I often forget what it is like to be human. Strange sentence isn’t?
I forget what the norm is and my expectations of people come off as arrogant or ignorant.
I am usually an observant person and I have found that I fluctuate in my “humanity”. On some parts of the year I show more human like qualities and others not so much. So what do I mean by human? I think it will be easier to explain if I elucidate what it means to be less human. Most people are not curious about the world and actively go out to learn things, whether they be humanities, life, or music. People tend to just want to enjoy life and laugh. In my less human endeavors I do not seek to enjoy life but rather just to experience all aspects of it. I find a off-put joy in my experience and learning of different perspectives and wisdom.
I was reminded of the difference between mere thought patterns between the people that surround me. Curiosity is not as crucial to there lives as I expect it to be because I am just merely different. Now, there are times where I display unplanned amounts of humanity and kindness. Although I am not very well known for kindness, there are instances where I surprise even myself.
As an individual that likes to coordinate and plan all things in my control, this is one thing that I seem to have less control over.