I recently began a train of introspection to help better understand who I am. I noticed another sociopathic idiosyncrasy. I believe from this stems all misconceptions of the psychopath’s lack of emotion. As one can easily see, I am talking about how calm we normally are, especially in emotionally devastating events. The imagery painted by society of the individual standing still amidst the crowd running for its life as rubble falls and crashes onto the people. The o’too-cliche scene of the man witnessing the death of many people and not showing any change in facial expression. Our calm has been highly misconstrued and has deceived the world of our true nature.
Our calm is not eternal or forever. Nor does our calm symbolize the eye at the center of a hurricane, and foreshadow the manifestation of our intense hate, malice, or any other destructive emotion. We do not hide ourselves, their is no true psychopath hidden behind a mask of lies. Our calm is just our choice. We choose to not be emotionally attached because we find it wasteful to be attached to whatever event is at hand. We reserve our daily intellectual capacities so that we may sparingly divulge our energies into what we find truly worthwhile and interesting. We are not patiently storing our hate withing ourselves and walk around like a ticking time bomb. We are rather like automated password locked computers that only allow access to certain keywords or phrases.
We are unapologetic-ally meticulously emotionally selective.
I found pride within the dry desserts of my emotional plane. The seemingly endless vacuum of a soul I had comforted me because of the obvious difference there was between me and them. However, this attribute becomes suddenly typologized, stereotyped, and generalized. We are of an emotionally selective group. Never will you see us cry over the death of an individual society tells us to weep over. Restrictions and obligations such as family will not stir our hearts. No…
Our hearts are our own. We are individuals of individuals. We segregate ourselves through our own constructs. Those whom we encounter are segregated within our worlds as well. we experience empathy, but it is different to the non-sociopaths. I look at your definition of empathy and feel as though my deviation is the same. I feel as you feel; I just happen to feel more. We surpass our appetites and use our love to manifest our ideals, and mine happen to revolve around the poetic potential of the moment.
We are not incapable. We are just scrutinizingly objective/selective.
*This is a profile of a person I know. I have dissected what I can from his actions and the people that surround them. Although this is a discourse founded upon personal inquiry. Nothing was founded by external inquiry.
The Whacking Cat
HE is open minded and open to new experiences. He is described to be kind but also intimidating to some. He prides himself in his accomplishments and finds joy in discovering new things. He has a thirst to “live life” to its fullest.
Now lets dig deeper and find his weak points.
I find it very revealing to focus on the relationships the individual has with their mother and any other significant female relationship they have had during childhood.
He showers them with gifts and memento to remind his mother and sisters of how much he adores them. This reveals a desire or necessity for emotional security. Needing to constantly remind his females that he loves them and cares for them. A self-conscious complex is revealed. This translate also to him caring about what others think of him. Which also points to the idea that behind his thirst to live life is to show that he is indeed living life. “Proving” to others that he is not wasting it.
Now onto other revealing factors.
He is at the mercy of his emotional state. He cannot handle his emotions, he has no defense mechanism besides riding his emotions out. His state of being sways at the mercy of the people around him and his environment. An emotional intelligence weakness. He finds comfort in a God for all the turmoil that he goes through is validated and if he believes that they are with purpose he is thus comforted. A little pathetic
He has no control over anger, depression, or happiness. Whatever emotional state he is in, all his efforts to change will be useless for he has no knowledge of how to effectively manipulate or mediate his own emotions. He lacks in that area of maturity.
This makes him highly self-conscious and so he has the need to show that he is indeed mature and doing better than other people. So he has defined what a “mature” individual lives, looks, and thinks like and follows these guidelines to the best of his ability. He figures he is doing well for his “mature” construct has deceived him into thinking that he making progress in maturing.
I would go on but this is starting to get redundant.
This is a rare insight to one of my experiments. I, myself, have never wrote down my experiments during the process of their creation or ever really…
So I have come across the rare opportunity to write one down today because I started to create one. I was curious as to the extent or the existence of a person’s self-consciousness. I have been curious to exploit this but I rarely had the chance for I rarely do I ever get to see this person. Today, on a luck’s whim, I was able to see this person. So here was my plan.
Most of my experiments do not take a long time to accomplish but every now and then I will have some that take weeks, months, and even years. This one would take longer than usual because I could not figure out any shorter way. All my experiments take as long as they need to.
My plan was to compliment them and make the moment very memorable to them. After establishing this I would allow them to leave on a positive note and wait for our next encounter. The last impression will inevitably leave a positive stigma and have them attracted to me and my compliments. The next time they see me I will then retract my compliment and insult them on their appearance or anything else that I could find to be a weak-spot(I have a couple in mind). Their reaction will reveal to me the extent of their self consciousness and other characteristics that I am curious about, such as defense mechanisms. I suspect that this will cause them to look up to me for confirmation. I will be strategic and compliment them on some days and insult them on others. The more reactions I get the more revelations of their character that will come. The reactions from the compliments will be as equally as revealing as their reactions to the insults.
Punchline. Joke. Insanity.
Punchline. Joke. Insanity.
What does the world have for me?
With all the laughs and rape
A smile reigns upon my face.
As I inch closer to my ducal crown
to become the clown prince or king in town.
I smile, I jitter, I laugh a lot.
kill or be killed because I need to laugh
because I like to joke ‘a’ lot
with my hands choke ‘a’ lot
than clean my palate w/ some chocolate.
. Hee Hee Hoo Hoo
. Ha Ha
. S me?
. m h
. i t
. l e W i
I have said that I would never reveal all of me. This is true.
My voice is one of the most experimented with attributes of mine. I often change it at a whim in order to better communicate or even to communicate less. I shall give one of the voices here today.
Keep in mind these are not separate entities or personalities. These are just ways I incorporate and regulate my intelligence in the way that I say to best fit a situation.
This is the voice I will use when talking in social environments(most of the time). This voice is extremely funny and I have known to get all the lols in a single room ha ha. He is eccentric and energetic. He is a genius in the way that he catches onto social cues and manipulates them to make people laugh. Great way to make people like you is to make them laugh. They will see their own laughter as a sign that you are a good person and will like you. Most of the time it does not take much to convince people that you are cool or nice if you just make them laugh. With strangers I usually just rapid fire different joke-types to see what type of humor they like. Most people find the same things funny so it is not too hard to figure people out.
He also can be the most crazy. All of my voices have this potential. A sort of defense mechanism must be built into all of my creations in order to insure safety in any environment or scenario. A friend of mine thinks that I am the most sociopath-like when I have these crazy fits of humorous laughter.
Through this line of experimentation to create this character I have become able to laugh at anything. When I say anything I meant it haha.
How I created it
Many of you will be curious on how I create a voice or my mental projections. First it takes a lil bit of imagination. Imagine an ant trying to play chess and beating you in a game! Kill it so one will know. Just kidding.
First there was the matter of being actually funny. You will have to go out of your stupid lil comfort zones and try to be funny. You won’t be at first but over time you will slowly see what makes people laugh and what doesn’t. Through this you will also be gifted with the marvelous power of recognizing vibes and social cues. I use to be so terribly unfunny. Man… What a loser I was. It’s embarrassing just thinking about it.
But no worries now I am as funny as they come.
Next step was a plus for me.
Laugh at everything
It was not too hard for me. This was mixed with my experiments with fear so I tried to laugh at the things that people found not funny.I already found murder to be quite funny so the next step was the more gory and bloody stuff. I stared into the eyes of people being tortured and hurt on screens and real life and had a good laugh. It was hard at first but over time it got more and more funny. Now I laugh at anything. Oh the looks I get when I slap someone in the face or kick someone that is on the ground and have a huge laugh are the most delightful.
Of course I moderate when I choose between extremities. I like to tailor my exposure to those who I crave reaction from.
And look how normal this all sounds…hmm? Sure of course you can do the same thing. Try it… I dare you. Alllow yourself to creep into madness. Will you run in with me or crawl?
Anger is the emotion I have had the most trouble over. There are times when I seem to have a grip on it and other times there is no telling. I have been trying to channel it to more productive means but sometimes it just does not work. I fear that I will one day lose control and do something that I will really regret. Anger has a place in the world but most of the times it chooses to show when it is most unneeded. And the anger of a psychopath is a little bit different from regular anger, I found. The anger of the regular individual will come out and disappear, usually. The common anger of a psychopath stays and lingers and latches onto everything it surrounds. That does not mean that the regular person cannot have the same effect it is just that the psychopath does this more often. Now we get angry over the most trivial things but that is just annoyance. Anger for us is something that is rare. It is like the difference between a burning fire and a erupting volcano. A fire is far more easier to control. When, however, a volcano erupts there is wide evacuation. You do not merely stop an eruption but rather prepare yourself for its impact. There were several instances in my life where I have gotten truly angry. There is one particular instance where I was actually halted in my release, ironically as I just described its unstoppable nature, in this instance I was silenced, but the after effects were tremendous. A simple fit of carnage turned into hate-filled grudge. If I were to ever commit murder, this would be why. It affects my psyche and the way I think. There use to be a time where I would have episodes of murder and pure destruction. A sort of frenzy that remained dormant inside of me would release itself and wreak havoc on the world that I create, often picturing the person I have in mind.
Kill me loudly,